Key takeaways
- You can safely have sex when pregnant, as long as you are comfortable doing so. Try to avoid positions where you are on your back, such as missionary with you on the bottom.
- You may experience some changes, such as feeling more sensitive or being more wet. These are perfectly normal.
- Seek medical attention if you experience symptoms such as persistent pelvic discomfort and persistent bleeding.
As long as it’s comfortable, you can safely have sex when pregnant. It’s also perfectly fine if you don’t want to. It could be anything from your hormones to getting used to your new body.
“Typically, the second trimester is the golden spot,” says Holly Richmond, a clinical sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist.
“All sex is good sex as long as it’s pleasurable and consensual,” says Richmond.
Learn exactly what it means to have pregnancy sex, from how it feels to how it actually affects the baby.
Unless your doctor or midwife has strict, specific reasons for you to not have intercourse, it’s absolutely safe for you, your partner, and your developing baby. If your doctor or midwife simply says “sex,” don’t be afraid to clarify if they mean penetration only or all sexual stimulation.
Women who have orgasms during pregnancy benefit from calming hormones and increased cardiovascular blood flow, and those benefits get passed down to the baby, notes Aleece Fosnight, a physician assistant and sex counselor in urology, women’s health, and sexual medication.
Due to hormones, you may feel your vagina is less “tight.” A combination of factors can cause this, such as increased lubrication and hormonal shifts.
Others may find their pelvic floor muscles too tight (as genitalia can also become more sensitive), making penetrative sex uncomfortable.
For this, Fosnight recommends taking more time to warm up with foreplay. You also could engage in mindful sex and skip penetration altogether.
If pelvic discomfort persists, get evaluated by your healthcare professional and request a referral to a pelvic floor specialist. Fosnight notes some providers may minimize the issue as a result of pregnancy, but she reminds us: “If something doesn’t feel right to you, don’t assume it’s normal for pregnancy.”
Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion. Many sexual health challenges during pregnancy can and are addressed by providers every day.
You may experience easier orgasms
Stephanie Buehler is the author of “Counseling Couples Before, During, and After Pregnancy: Sexuality and Intimacy Issues.” She’s also a psychologist and certified sex therapist.
She notes, “Some women may [even] have orgasms for the first time during pregnancy because of blood flow and hormones.”
Your genitalia may be more sensitive
Due to hormonal changes, some women find their sexual drive increases, especially during the second trimester.
Fosnight credits the 50% increase in blood flow that occurs during pregnancy. That blood also goes to the vulva, vagina, clitoris, and pelvis, engorging the tissues. Depending on the person, it can feel either pleasurable, irritating, or somewhere in between.
“Men may say they feel more fullness in the vagina, even during the first trimester,” Fosnight says.
You might feel more wet
It’s common for increased secretions and more lubrication to occur, mostly to fight bacteria (and bacterial infection).
According to Fosnight, you’re no longer just a regular self-cleaning oven. “You’re an extra self-cleaning oven,” she says.
The rest of your body may be more sensitive
In preparation for milk production, your breast shape and size may change and increase by up to a cup size or two.
1. Will penetration hurt the pregnancy?
No.
“During penetration, the uterus may move a little bit and you feel it,” Fosnight says. “People have freaked out something is happening to the baby.” In fact, the uterus is just more movable during pregnancy. A mobile home of sorts.
“The baby is super protected and has its own filter system that’s really selective about what goes in and comes out,” Fosnight notes. “Unless you’ve been instructed to have pelvic rest, sex is OK.”
Pelvic rest can be prescribed for issues such as an incompetent cervix or placenta previa.
Some men may worry about “hurting the baby.” If necessary, bring your partner with you to your next OB appointment, Richmond says. They can hear an expert’s reassurance that their penis isn’t touching the baby.
2. Will pregnancy sex cause miscarriage?
Sex won’t cause a miscarriage. Miscarriages are often a result of a fetus not developing normally. A
In fact, sex may even help with labor. “[S]ome couples have sex up until the woman goes into labor,” Buehler says. “Unless there is a medical reason or one or both partners are uninterested, couples can do as they please.”
However, if you’re having sex with new or multiple partners, wear a condom until you’re sure of their STI status. Sexually transmitted infections can result in potential pelvic inflammatory disease, which
3. Is bleeding after sex something I should worry about?
“It’s always best to talk with one’s physician regarding any concerns,” Buehler says.
Due to pregnancy changes, your cervix is more sensitive and can get irritated easily, leading to bleeding. You’ll notice spotting after sex, when you wipe, and possibly the next day.
The spotting shouldn’t come and go, especially over days or weeks. If you have any other symptoms, like sharp waves of pain, rectal pressure, or feeling dizzy or sick, seek help right away.
Chat with your healthcare professional for ideas on how to minimize any irritation (such as controlling depth of penetration) if you’re not enjoying the anxiety ride.
4. Is it normal for sex to hurt during pregnancy?
Sensitive breasts and nipples can make interactions painful.
“Blood flow and hormones can also make the clitoris very sensitive as well,” Buehler says. Pelvic floor issues can be a challenge.
If you’re tempted to “power through” such moments? Don’t, Buehler says. Sex shouldn’t feel like a marathon or endurance sport.
“Sex should never hurt, and it’s best to talk openly,” she says. “There are lots of ways to be intimate. Couples need to find the ones that work for them during the pregnancy.”
5. Is it normal to have orgasmic dreams at night during pregnancy?
Yes. Many women have amazing “wet dreams” or sleep orgasms when pregnant.
“Another bonus due to higher estrogen levels and increased blood flow,” Richmond says. “I had several of my clients report it with a bit of concern, then were delighted when I told them it’s normal and will most likely subside after they give birth, so enjoy it!”
6. Can different positions influence the sex of my baby?
There are all sorts of common pregnancy myths about sex and gender, Fosnight says. However, she confirms there’s no science at all behind such tales, including conception position, sexual positions during pregnancy, conception date, or time.
7. Why don’t I feel sexy?
“Pregnancy is such a unique experience for all women,” Richmond says. She points out that in Western cultures, we’re often told we’ll feel one of two extremes. “You’ll feel wonderful or horrible, you’re either glowing or throwing up.”
With ever-shifting hormones and getting used to a new body, there are many changes that can complicate desire. Many women note a decrease in interest, comfort, and desire in the third trimester. And while fatigue and morning sickness may pass, some of the roadblocks may stem from your mindset.
“We still have old notions that a mother is prim and proper, and associating sexuality with pregnancy is a hush-hush topic,” Buehler says. “If [your partner] doesn’t feel sexy, have [them]… look at [their] ideas about being a mother. It is possible to be a mom and remain a sexual being before, during, and after pregnancy.”
Pregnancy may also be a time of psychological and sexual exploration for the pregnant person and their partner, she adds.
It’s possible you’re finding that what used to turn you on no longer does. That may just be a matter of different tastes (like temporary food cravings) and of experimenting to see what works.
8. Is there anything I can do to reconnect with my sexual self?
While each person, pregnancy, and trimester is different, there are a few things you could try to calm the anxieties around your changing body:
- First, Fosnight recommends looking at images of naked pregnant people or boudoir shoots. She says that often when doing this exercise with clients, they’ll find a particular visual and say, “She looks like me! Oh, she’s beautiful.”
- Offer yourself positive self-talk, saying statements like “I’m beautiful” or “I’m growing a human being.”
- Notice how often you caress your belly. Due to pregnancy, you have increased nerve sensitivity along with increased blood flow. Caress your skin and enjoy the boosted sensations.
- If your G-string no longer fits, keep looking for something that makes you feel confident. There are plenty of maternity lingerie options out there.
- Head in for a pregnancy boudoir shoot of your own, Fosnight adds. Whether you want lacy lingerie or a pregnant pinup, there are options for every body type and trimester.
- Add “Your Orgasmic Pregnancy” by Danielle Cavallucci and Yvonne Fulbright to your bookshelf, Fosnight suggests. It’s a coffee-table book with photos, drawings, and positions to consider.
9. Is there anything sexual that’s unsafe?
If you’re the recipient of spankings, your partner should avoid the belly and abdomen and any tie that could constrict blood flow. If you’re new to the scene, maybe wait until after pregnancy.
Definitely create boundaries of what touch is acceptable if you get started, too.
10. When can I start having sex after having my baby?
As one study noted, the standard recommendation is about six weeks. Women with few complications often start having sex again before that, as long as tearing or infection isn’t present.
Check with your healthcare provider to find out which camp you’re in.
When it comes to pregnancy sex, stick to positions that keep the pressure and weight off the belly. These will likely be more comfortable for everyone.
Stick with positions meant to keep you off your back, too. This helps with avoiding
9 positions to try
- sex from behind (also known as doggy style)
- you on top (also known as cowgirl)
- spooning
- reverse cowgirl
- standing
- seated pregnancy sex
- oral sex
- side-by-side sex
For extra comfort, invest in sex pillows, lube, and sex toys. Sex doesn’t require penetration for maximum pleasure. Focus on stimulating the clitoris with toys or your fingers instead.
Positions to avoid
- Missionary position (with mom on bottom) isn’t a good idea as it compresses blood flow to mom and baby, particularly after the 20th week.
- Some find prone positions (lying flat on the stomach) uncomfortable.
- Also, your partner should avoid blowing air forcefully into your vagina.
No matter where you are in the trimester, figuring out how to work around challenges during pregnancy sex can be a time of experimentation and positions.
Being pregnant and being sexy aren’t mutually exclusive.
“Just before baby arrives, who is going to zap out a bunch of that erotic energy, you can reinvigorate your sex life,” suggests Dr. Rosara Torrisi, LCSWR, MEd, CST, PhD.
The experimentation and flexibility you enjoy now can help keep your relationship sexually fulfilling for decades. Reinvigoration can happen “with each pregnancy, with each stage of pregnancy, and every few years to keep the bedroom spicy,” Torrisi says.
The only constant throughout pregnancy and a relationship is change. “When something is no longer pleasurable, begin your expedition to find what is now,” she suggests.
Visit your doctor or midwife if you’re experiencing:
- pain
- bleeding
- shortness of breath
- other physical issues
You can also see an AASECT-certified sex therapist for assistance if you’re having a hard time with body image and sexuality issues.